Finally--An update, lol

WOW!!!

It's been a mightly long time since i've posted on here. My GOD, so much has changed.

The picture to the right was taken yesterday. So proud to say that I'm still right around my goal. Today i weighed in at 181.2 (goal is and remains to be 180). So not too shabby. But it hasn't come without work. Over the past month or so, i've found myself snacking a little more and being very lax on the workouts (sometimes not getting ANY in all week). So that resulted in me actually getting back up to 192. That scared me, and enough was enough. So jumped right back in, and got back to basics. Excersize everyday, and restricting carbs. It actually wasn't even that hard to jump back to that. And one week later, i was down to 182!!! Couldn't believe it. So i will keep going until i'm at or below the 180 mark. Not too far to go!

I think stress also played into the slight gain of weight. I've been dealing with a hell of a lot since i last posted. Let's see..... I left my marriage, changed jobs, moved to a new state, had to find a new place, have been dealing with car issues and the aftermath of my pending divorce! UGH....it's enough to make your head spin, but....it is what it is. I had to make changes to ensure i was happy and wouldn't have more regrets 20 years down the road. It hasn't been easy, but it will be worth it in the end. Just like with the weight loss----it wasn't an easy road losing over 180 pounds---but when i look in the mirror, or go clothes shopping in medium shirts and size 32 pants----ARRRRGHH....i get excited about the results of the hard road traveled. So i will stay strong, I will push on, and I will come out better on the other side!

More pictures below. Talk to you laters.....hopefully it won't be over 8 months again before i post another update! LMAO.

WTF! I lost 7 pounds this week!!!!!

I don't know what's going on, but i've never EVER had a 7 pound loss since week 1 post op of my surgery. Prior to this week, my weight had remained steady for 2 weeks after i hit goal, now all of a sudden it took off like a hooker runner from the cops. I've been under a LOT of stress this week (marital issues.....long story....) , which i'm sure has something to do with it. But i still aimed for my 1500 calories a day or whatnot....

I really don't want to lose anymore weight....ugghh. I'm so frustrated on so many levels right now. Praying i don't have a nervous break down.

update since hitting goal....

361 : all time high 2008
311 : surgery day 5/18/09
211 : First goal met (100# post op + 50# pre op = 150 pounds gone) 12/26/09
180 : GOAL!!! 04/12/10
181 : last week 04/19/10
181 : today 04/26/10

Same as last week. My goal weight was 180, i hit that then it went up 1 pound and stayed there for the last 2 weeks. Seems the increase of calories to 1300-1500 has allowed me to maintain as i wanted. I'd like to lose that 1 pound again then stay there, LOL, but i know my weight will fluctuate slightly. As long as i stay within 180-183 range i'm good, just don't want to go above or much below that.

.....the day i've dreamt about.....

GOAL!!!!!!!!!

I can honestly say, a couple of years ago, this day wasn't even imaginable. I almost teared up on the scale today (almost...lol). I had previously accepted that I would be big forever....in fact, I had made up a nick name for myself... F.A.F.L.! (fat ass for life).

Now, to be literally HALF the size I was at my largest...it's simply amazing, and kind of hard to comprehend right now. From 361 pounds to 180. From a BMI of 56.5 to 28.2! From size 54 pants, to size 32! From size 4x shirts to a MEDIUM! It simply blows my mind.

I know that the hard part of the journey begins now, maintenance. But I'm ready for it. My family and friends don't understand why I'm so meticulous with counting calories and tracking calories burned still, but I'm committed to keeping track and being responsible for my eating the rest of my life. I never EVER want to see 361 pounds on the scale again. Life is toooooooooo good on this side of the scale!

Thank you Jesus for all you've blessed me with. I'm truly grateful.

Stopping in for another update....ALMOST THERE!

Today is weigh in day...and although i've been slacking lately with regular updates, things are moving along. So much so, that i'm proud to announce that i only have ONE....yes ONE pound left until i hit my personal goal.




I can't believe it. I've lost half of me. 1 pound to go, then i'll be completely satisfied with this journey, even if i never lose another single pound. Loving life right now..... :)

Long time no see....

It's been a very long time since i posted an actual weight update. That last never ending stall kinda threw me out of whack...but i'm back, the scale is moving, and i'm very proud to say that i'm only SEVEN POUNDS away from my personal goal of 180. That's still a far way from the "normal" weight i should be according to medical standards, but hey, it's a weight that i'd be comfortable remaining at, and if i never lose another pound beyond that, i'll be perfectly content! Almost there, it's been a great ride!!!!

Obese no more!

Just wanted to drop in and leave a note about my most recent milestone. As of this morning, the scale is around 191 or less (fluctuates a little each time i get on, lol) which equates now to a BMI of 29.9 ! That means (by medical terms), i'm no longer considered OBESE, but just plain ole' overweight!!!! LOL, never thought i'd be so excited about being overweight, but i'm ecstatic. Still pushing on, but glad to be where i'm at as well. I still have about another 11 pounds before i'll be totally satisfied wit the amount of weight i've lost (literally half of me will be gone at that point). I can see it, it's around the corner, and i can't wait!!! Loving life...

Spoke too soon, Stall is STILL kicking my ass..

I know, i know.....it's been nearly 3 weeks since i've last posted. This always happens when i get frustrated. on 2/1, i posted that after 1.5 week stall, i had dropped weight again, down to 198. Since 2/1, the stall has re-emerged bigger and better. It's truly badass, lol. Almost 3 weeks, with no movement whatsoever. It's so frustrating. Especially because i'm still doing the same things, at the gym at least 5-6x a week, drinking my fluids, and not overeating all crazy or anything, still around 1000-1200 calories a day (the same i've done for a while now), yet there is no movement. I know stalls happen, that's why i'm trying to stay calm, but I just want this OVER. I feel like it took me forever to get below 200, but now that i'm here, my body is being very stubborn and doesn't want to drop anymore. I still have about 25 pounds to go before I hit my personal goal, which I really wanted to happen before my 12 month anniversary....it should still happen, but that would mean this stall has to break SOON!, i'm now 9 months post op. I need to lose 25 pounds in 3 months to hit my goal. ARGGGHHHHH....so frustrating.

Century City, i've arrived.

After a 1.5 week stall, and the #'s jumping back and forth, i'm finally comfortable in saying that i'm officially in the 100's! Century City i've arrived! Life is good.

8 months out....stall #2

Haven't posted the last couple of updates, been kinda disappointed with the scale. I guess it's time to admit that i may be on stall #2. My weight has gone back and forth with the same 3 pounds for 1.5 weeks now. I don't think i've been in a situation like this since my 1st stall @ week 3 post op. That stall lasted 3.5 weeks. God, i hope that isn't the case this time. Today is my birthday and I was REALLY hoping i'd be 199 for real. Seems that 199 i posted before was a one day fluke, because the very next day it was back up 2 pounds, and it hasn't moved since. So, i guess right now i'm just playing the waiting game. Still making sure i hit my protein goals and water goals along with gym time. So eventually, it has to break. Sigh.........

But i won't focus totally on the wrong things. This time last year on my birthday i weighed around 335 pounds. To be 201-202 a year later is amazing. So for that i'm eternally grateful!

199 (??!!!)

Are my eyes deceiving me? Does the scale actually read 199 this morning? I cannot believe this, i'm trying to believe it, but I just can't right now. I haven't been under 200 pounds since BEFORE high school. This is just unreal.....

Week #34 Results

Not a bad week at all :)

Another 2 pounds down for the week. The 100's are slowly but surely approaching, I can't wait.

Merry (belated) Christmas to me!

Hello.

I normally only post on my official weigh in days....but I had to make a special post today. I was really hoping i would hit 211 by 12/25 (100 pounds post op + 50 preop = 150 pounds total weight loss). But it didn't happen. However, this morning when I got on the scale, i saw the lovely 211! I'm so excited. Seems like it took forever, but dammit, i'll take it. I feel like life is just beginning. I'm so excited about the prospects. Not to mention that the large shirts and some of the size 34 pants my wife bought me for xmas ACTUALLY FIT! craziness. Me in a large shirt? What is that about? No more 4x-5x! ARRRRGHHHH!!! lovin it

Week #'s 30 & 31

Hey.

I really did mean to post an update last week, but I kept putting it off and before I knew it, another full week had past.

Last week I lost 2 pounds, nice and steady. This week i'm down an additional 3. As long as the scale is moving in the right direction, then I can't complain.

I had a couple of great moments over the last couple of weeks. I attended my wife's job's xmas party. Saw some of her co-workers who haven't seen me since last christmas, so they commented on my weightloss. It's always nice to have people notice the big change.

I also finally got my step team started for this year, and the students couldn't believe their eyes when they saw me. I haven't seen any of them since before my surgery, so needless to say over 100 pounds later i look much different. One student didn't even recognize who i was, I love it. Moments like those make it all worth it.

At any rate, as promised, here are this week's results and last week's. I promise to TRY and keep up with regular postings :)

Week # 29 results

Hey.

Sorry for the lack of updates, i'm a slacker. LOL. No, but i've just been enjoying life and some recent changes that has kept me occupied. At any rate, it's been two weeks since i've posted my progress. The week before last i lost another pound (only 1 again). I will admit that i was rather upset over a second week in a row of only 1 pound loss. But I knew it would pass, so I just kept doing the same things and hitting the gym faithfully. So this week i'm proud to post a 5 pound weight loss! LOVE IT. Next stop is the 2-teens....can't wait.



My usual routine is to hit the gym at 5 am every morning. However, this morning when I got up, there was a BUNCH of snow outside. The first really big snowfall of the season, so I really didn't feel like (or have the time to) clean off the car, possibly shovel my way out of the driveway then get to the gym and be back in enough time to get ready for work. Just the thought of all that made me get right back to bed. But now, i feel guilty as hell. LOL. Why is that? I've been to the gym EVERYDAY for the past week straight, so taking this day off shouldn't be a big deal....but i'm full of guilt regardless. Guess that just means that i'll have to go to the gym tonight after work to make it up to myself. LOL...a mess.

Week # 27 results

Nothing stellar about this week. 1 pound down. For a while, I thought it would be no weight loss at all this week. The scale was being a stubborn bastard for most of the week, then this morning it was down 1. So i'm thankful for the 1, and just hope it picks up again soon. The last few weigh-ins have been pretty good for me, 3, 3.8., 5, all great #'s considering i view myself as a slow loser. So the 1 this week kinda makes sense, my body is adjusting again. This is kind of the cycle it goes through. I will push through and get back to those 3-5 a week #'s!

This will be my 1st thanksgiving week post op. I'm not too worried, i'm going to concentrate on protein first, and not over due it. I'm counting on getting full fast so that the mounds of food around me won't tempt me further. Moderation, not elimination is my new life motto, so this will be another test of that. It would be great to have a great # next monday after the holiday festivities are over....i'll be so proud of myself. We'll see.....

Week # 26 results

Another solid week, i can't complain. :)

Actually, I hit a milestone today as I got on the scale. For the first time in the 14 years that i've known her, I weigh less than my wife! LOL, i've always been so much heavier than her, it's kinda weird for me to weigh less than her now, but it's a milestone i'll take. She's not to happy with that, but it was bound to happen sooner or later. The next milestone for me will be getting under 200! Can't wait, then my final goal is 185. Still not sure if i'll like the way I look when I get that low, I don't want to be "scrawny", so, we'll see.

Week # 25 results

Another great week. What more can I say? Almost in the 220s....can't believe it. Very soon i'll be catching up with and passing my wife's weight. She's not going to like that at all, lol....for the 15 years that i've known her (we met in high school--not the same school...but i digress...), i've always weighed more than her. This is definitely going to be a change, but it's a milestone I can't wait to get to LOL.

Anywho....here is this weeks results!

Back from my "6 month" checkup

So as I mentioned earlier, today was my "6 month" checkup with my surgeon (although I won't technically be six months for another 2 weeks).

At any rate, everything looks good. The doctor scale has finally met up with my scale at home and the numbers match exactly. A little overboard on my part, but I weighed my clothes at home before leaving so I know exactly how much 'added' weight (2 pounds for today's clothes) to factor in when I got on his scale. And once I subtracted for the clothes, the resulting # matched up with my weigh-in I did before leaving.

I asked questions about my progress, and he said things are going fine. I also asked about calorie goals daily, and once again what he told me surprised me. Contrary to what i've read online, and heard from other friends post op, he told me NOT to worry about not getting enough calories. He almost made it sound like the less the better. I'm only averaging around 800-1000 calories a day if i'm lucky, and I was wondering if that was hindering my process because my body would be constantly in starvation mode (even though physically, i don't often get hungry at all)...but he said NOT to add in calories to hit a magical calorie hot spot, just eat till i'm full then stop, and if that's only 600-800 a day, then so be it. He also told me once again to stop the protein shakes, because they are unnecessary calories. But truthfully, if I don't do the protein shake or a protein bar, I doubt I can get to my 80+ grams of protein a day. I don't know, I may stick with the shakes for a while, we'll see.

Another tid bit of info that I found out. My highest weight (Recorded anyway) was not 354, it was actually 361 when I started out 2+ years ago with the 1st doctor who left the practice (and caused me to start all over with the new doc, lol). So then when the new doc came along, I was down to 342. But during that 1 year process, I fell off the wagon due to some personal issues (layoff, etc), and my weight jumped back up to the 354 that I was quoting originally as my highest weight (December 2008). It was at that point that I started fresh with the pre-op diet again right before my insurance approval, and then got down to 311 by the day of surgery.

Looking back, I see now that it took me over 2 years to drop 50 pounds before the surgery (due to fluctuating up and down and not being able to maintain it). But yet in 5.5 months post op, i've lost 76 pounds. Amazing. Really puts things into perspective. I needed this tool, and I'm going to work it for the rest of my life to ensure I never see 361 again!

Although it's only a 7 pound difference between 354 and 361, I don't think I should short change my self a single pound. My highest was 361, not 354, so that's what my progress updates will reflect from now on. Starting today! :) I've updated the tracking from monday's weigh-in to reflect the correct highest pre-op weight. That means, in total weight loss, i'm down 126 freakin pounds! Wow.

Week 23/24 results + My surgeon check up is today.

Finally getting around to posting weeks 23/24 post op. Week 23 was a mini stall, no net weight change, but it picked back up at the very end of week 24. Just hoping I can continue to stay steady.

I've restructed the way i'll post the updates, that long list of weekly weights was getting a bit too long. So now, i'll just include the important info. Starting weights, current weight, total losses, etc. But I won't have every single week listed each week. So here goes :

***edit : tracking removed, see next post above for week 24 results***


So, I didn't realize before yesterday, but today is my "6 month" check up with my surgeon. It's not really 6 months yet, that's a couple of weeks away, but this was the appointment that they had free around that time.

I don't know why, but i'm nervous. Have I done enough? His scale always differs from mine...will that be a positive or a negative change today? I know this is not a race, but I always feel like i'm behind---and now I'm nervous for what he'll say about my progress. I mean 76 pounds (post op) is nothing to sneeze at, so why am i worried?

WOW!

Just had a great moment, and I needed this to bring me back to reality. Sadly, the scale still isn't moving, and I'm fearing that I'm officially in my 2nd stall. But it may be too soon to tell, I though I hit a stall a couple of months ago as well, but it started back up again. If this is a stall, i'm just hoping this one won't last 3+ weeks again....

But anyway, on to my WOW moment. So, I decided to go shopping today, because most of my clothes are a little big. Because the scale hasn't been moving, I didn't want to test out a bunch of smaller sizes to see if i've changed, I just wanted to pick out some nice stuff that doesn't look like balloon tents on me. So, I know I'm in a size 38 pants now, so I pick out a couple of different colored pants in the same style. Because they are the same, i only tried on one in the store. They fit perfectly fine, so I grab them all.

When I got home, I tried on another color of the same styled pants. I noticed that this one felt a little snug, but was actually a better fit for me than the one I tried on in the store---but that doesn't make sense, they're all the same size right?

WELL.....NO! They weren't. As it turns out, one of the "38's" i picked up had the wrong hanger on it, and it was actually a size 36. AND THEY FIT! I could comfortably zip them up, walk around, sit down, they were normal fitting 36s!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT. I still think back to my size 54 pant days....and I just can't believe how far I've come. This just goes to show that the scale cannot be my defining glory. Sometimes the scale will stay the same while you are losing inches away.

Jeff...in a size 36 pants. Who would have ever thunk it? LOL

here I am, frustrated again.

So, it's been close to two weeks, and i'm still hovering around the same 238 mark. It's so frustrating. I'm at the gym every morning at like 5 am. I'm not eating all crazy, getting more than enough water (about 100 oz a day), target of 85-100 grams of protein a day---yet the scale is showing me no love. Is this another dreaded stall? God I hope not. just please let the scale move soon. I was down like 1 pound last week (sorry i haven't posted the update yet), but that quickly went up, then down, then up again....it's just a back and forth game with the same 2 pounds. I hate this, because i'm starting to get down on myself again. I was ok for a while, then I start to compare myself to others, and I get so depressed....i'll be six months post op soon, and I haven't even hit 80 pounds post op yet. It seems soooooo slow. Everyone tells me i'm looking so much better, and have lost a lot of weight, but the #'s seem to drive my sense of success rather than the mirror. This journey has a terrible mind game component. I'm driving myself insane.....

Week 22 results & 5 month comparisons

So. Week 22 is here, and i'm happy with the steady results. I was afraid I was going to stay the same or only drop 1 pound...because the scale was not moving for most of the week despite me doing everything right. But I was very pleasantly surprised when I got on the scale this morning and saw they lovely 238.8 ! Can't believe i'm in the 230's. It just keeps getting better and better.



So now that i'm about 5 months out, I wanted to do some photo comparisons. Sometimes i can be my own worst enemy, and I don't think things are moving fast enough, or that i'm changing enough. But when I look at old photos, it really puts things into perspective, so I wanted to post this, so I can always come back and look at it to remind me where i've been, and prayerfully, where i'll never be again.

Here is a photo showing me at close to my highest weight opposite from me a couple of days ago :



And now, here's a comparison that damn near brought me to tears. I cannnot believe this was me. It almost seems like i'm looking at someone I don't know. But it was me.....sad, but true. The 'before' pic on the left was me at my younger sister's wedding in 2008. On the right, is me in the same exact dress shirt I wore to the wedding. It now looks like a circus tent on me LOL! Man....if this isn't motivation to stay on track, then I don't know what is.






And finally, here is just plain ol' me...5 months post op. I've got a ways to go, (my stomach doesn't seem to want to go anywhere!), but I'm definitely not where I was :)

Week 21 tracking

Lost 5 pounds last week, and another 3 this week. Let's hope it keeps this steady.

finally updating again.

I want to get back into the habit of updating regularly, as i'd like to read through my journey when it's all over so that it will inspire me to stay on track. So although it's been about 4 weeks since I posted my tracker, i've updated it and here it is :

Lack of updates, but BIG NEWS : First 100 GONE!

Man, it's been almost a month since I last updated, so sorry. Started out with a bad week, kinda got discouraged and haven't updated since. However, since then, i've had a couple of good weeks, and some new and exciting moments on this journey.

1) I surprised my wife with a trip to Hollywood Studios & Disney World a couple of weeks ago. And that was the FIRST TIME in at least 10 years that I was able to ride an airplane WITHOUT a seatbelt extender. In fact, i had room to spare with the belt. It felt awesome. Unbelievable still.

2) I was comfortable on every single ride/rollercoster/attraction. I fit into each of the seats w/out a problem. I have avoided theme parks for years because of my weight because I didn't want to be uncomfortable or embarassed while trying to fit into a ride.

3) AS OF THIS MORNING - - - 43 PRE-OP + 57 POST OP = 100 POUNDS GONE FOREVER! I still cannot wrap my brain around 100 pounds gone. At one point in my life I thought I'd always be 350+ pounds. But to be in the 250's is amazing to me. I still have a long way to go, but i'm so far from where I was, and I love it!!!!!

Week 13

A good week. I pray it stays steady.

Week 12 results

Well, another slower week than i'd like. But hey, I have to remind myself that some movement is better than no movement at all. I think i've finally come to the realization/acceptance that my journey will be slower than others. It is what it is. Slow and steady will win the race.

As a side note, I don't know what it was about yesterday, but all of a sudden I got 4 compliments in one day on how good I was looking due to the weight loss. It was kind of surreal. I'm still learning on how to accept a compliment---i kinda get embarrassed and just want to hide under a rock, LMAO....but it made me feel good about my progress regardless :)

Week 11 results

Not a very good week. I'm still eating right, counting every calorie/protein and carb intake to make sure i'm within doctor guidelines. And I'm drinking so much water it feels like i'm swimming at times! LOL. I guess my body is trying to catch up again :(

I grateful for some movement at all, because all week long, the scale stayed the same and I was preparing myself to endure another stall. But this morning it dropped a pound. I guess some movement is better than no movement at all.

Week 10 results

I'm excited to report another good week. Results are below. I'm also excited to see the pant size dropping. I bought a pair of size 42 pants friday. Man that felt great. Considering before the surgery i would shop in the size 52-54 range, putting on a 42 and having them FIT, was simply amazing. The day I see a size 34-36 I may faint. LMAO.

Week 9 results

The numbers keep moving....thank God! Which means since my last post saturday (2 days ago), I lost 3 additional pounds. I really need to just be more patient. Things always work out in their own time :)

Frustrated...again.

So, here we go again. This rollercoaster of a journey is sometimes just too much. After losing 5 pounds last week, i was hoping I was back on a steady stream of weight loss after that 3+ week stall. But since monday, i've only lost 1 pound, today is saturday. It's so frustrating. I'm watching every single thing I eat, writing it down, sticking to the guides and drinking water like crazy. I don't understand why my journey seems to be so slow? I keep reading message boards, and how men typically lose faster than women with RNY and the first couple of months are the best months for weight loss----WELL THAT IS NOT MY STORY! I can't fathom how these guys have lost 100+ pounds in 3 months, and here I am at 2 months only down 31 pounds post surgery. I just don't get it. I'm just praying that i'm not about to hit another stall after only losing 9 pounds since the last stall. That will surely drive me insane.

So for about 9 weeks, i'm down 31 pounds---sometimes I feel like it hasn't been worth it yet---I could have been down an average 3 pounds a week w/out surgery....where is the payoff? I assumed much later down the road it would slow down, say at 6+ months post op. But being slow this early is just so unexpected. I know everyone is different and every journey is different, but I can't seem to be satisfied with that rationale. I'm getting depressed all over again.

Week 8 Results!

So I can't believe i'm 8 weeks out. Time is flying. I must say, i'm starting to enjoy the journey again. This was a good week, and let's just hope it stays this way for a while.

Things are much better.

Things seem to be going much better....now that the scale is moving again. That was a stressful time, 3+ long weeks, and prayerfully, i won't see a stall again anytime soon. But even if I do, I have to keep reminding myself of how far i've come and focus on that. With family in town this past holiday weekend, i got so many compliments on my weight loss thus far, that it really put things into perspective for me. I can't always see the progress i'm making, but others do. This will be a long journey, and I have to learn to be patient. A good lesson learned.

Week 7 Results

Here is week 7 results. Good to see the scale moving again, I hope it picks up some momentum and continues to move. :)

Another big test....family reunion weekend.

So, today I faced another big food test. Normally, when I'm at home, in a controlled atmosphere, I'm not tested much. But it's fourth of July weekend, and this is when we have our annual family reunion. Today is the "meet and greet" and of course there is food galore around. Everyone is eating and having a good time, and I'm sitting here blogging to you...because I can't eat anything more. I had two miniature meatballs and half of a hot dog (no bun) and I'm stuffed beyond belief. Lord knows I'd like to take just one more bite, but I'm afraid I'd get sick....and I don't want to embarrass myself.

Guess this is my new life. I better get used to it.

Delayed reaction?

So, for the first 6 weeks of this journey, I feel like I did very well health wise. Yes, the first week or so was very trying---pain from the incisions and gas were horrible. But that's to be expected with ANY major surgery. But following that, I felt absolutely fine, but the weird thing was, absolutely nothing I drank or ate seemed to make me sick to my stomach or throw up at all. It was kind of weird to me. Then the stall hit and I wondered why my journey seemed to be so different from everyone else's.

I don't know if my body just had a delayed reaction or what. But in the last 3 days, i've thrown up twice! The first time, I wasn't even upset, i was glad to be "normal" and had something that upset my stomach (lol, i know i'm weird). But this second time just baffles me now. It was because I had maybe 4 spoons of grits. Not a lot at all. Then I just felt sick, like it wasn't going down and it was painful. The weird thing is, i've had grits several times in the past over the last 6 weeks---and I was fine. Today, all hell broke lose, and I threw every last drop of it up.

So did my body just have a delayed reaction? Am I just now starting to go through what people went through at 1 week out? Guess that's another question i'll have for my doc today when I go to see him.

Wish me luck :)

Is it finally over?

The last couple of weeks have been very hard/stressful to say the least. I'm still dealing with this early on stall...and it's taken it's toll on me. I never knew this journey could be so emotional. But i've been in a small depression as of late. Feelings of failure, regret, hopelessness, etc have all reared it's ugly head. I keep reading about other people's journey, and the amount of weight loss they had in the early months....and mine does not coincide at all. For more than 3 weeks i've been stuck at the same #, and it's hard---I just don't know what to do.

To make matters worse, I was freaking out so much, that I called the doctor's office and spoke with the LPN. I know she didn't mean to, but she only made matters worse for me. She said in all the time she's been working with this doctor, she hasn't seen/heard anything like this from a bypass patient so early. :( Now I know from talking with people online that a stall at week 3 happens in many, but not everyone. But hearing her say that made me feel 10x worse. I told her what I was eating, the excersizes I was doing, and everything seemed to line up with what I should be doing. I'm not in any pain, haven't been sick---so why is my body taking so long to get over the "shock" of weight loss? Well....she had no answers, so instead she moved my appointment up 2 weeks from july 15th to july 1st. So there it is, i'll be seeing the doc in 2 days.

This morning when I got on the scale, it was down 1 pound. I don't want to get my hopes up. But prayerfully, this is the end of my stall and I start losing weight again on a steady basis. Keep your fingers crossed.

Here are weeks 5 & 6 weight tracker :




Although the scale isn't showing me what I want to see, I must say, that my clothes are feeling much looser, and when I go to a store, I notice i'm dropping sizes. I've dropped 3 pants sizes and 1-2 shirt sizes depending on the shirt. I took a snap shot of my face today, and I can see a difference in my face at least, as compared to my pre-op face. I guess that's something to be proud of, right? :

Love/Hate Relationship

So, the scale and I apparently have a love/hate relationship. For the 1st two weeks post op, I loved her, and now I can't stand her ass. LOL. So, i've decided to just ignore her. I refuse to give her any attention, and hopefully i'll stay off of her for as long as possible....because I just don't like the signs she gives me. Yes, the scale still hasn't changed, 15 days of no movement---can you tell that i've now gone slightly insane because of it? I'm referring to my scale as "her". Put me in the looney bin....

Weeks 3 & 4 Weight loss Tracker

Ok...so i've been procrastinating putting these up, but here goes. Weeks 3 & 4 weight loss results :



As you can see, the results are not good (at least to me). As you may recall, week 3 was when I started the puree diet. Well, it turns out that the puree diet has completely halted weight loss at this point. Talk about freaking out, I have been going crazy. For 10 days straight, the scale hasn't moved an inch. Very disheartening. I've read online from others who are post op that a stall around weeks 3-5 is quite common. But still, it's driving me insane. Granted, I was sick the first week of puree, my stomach seemed to hurt all the time. Now i'm much better, but yet the scale still isn't moving. I'm trying my best to get all my liquids and protein in. Plus i'm still @ the gym walking a lot as well.

Everyone tells me to wait it out, it will get better, but it's hard to accept that right now. After everything I went through, all the fear, then the surgery, the pain, the discomfort, the realization that I cannot eat whatever I want----to go through all of that, then to have the scale turn it's back on you so early in the process----man, it's enough to make you go crazy. I have seriously questioned why I even wanted to do this----but I have faith it will get better. Hopefully I will begin to see weight loss again this week. I just don't know if I can take another week of "0" pounds loss. I know my body is in shock, and that's why this is happening, but hell, my body needs to get the hell over it and start DROPPING THOSE POUNDS AGAIN!!!!+

Much better

I haven't posted in several days, but I am feeling much better now. My stomach has gotten used to eating small things again (instead of all liquids) so i'm not having nearly as many issues as I was the last time I posted.

The scale, however, hasn't moved in over a week. I can't lie, it's very disheartening. But from what i've read online from others, a stall during weeks 3-5 is very common. Apparently, your body is in shock and isn't used to the small amounts of food you are taking in. So i'm trying to ride this out, and praying the scale starts moving again. I got spoiled by the pound/a day weight loss I started off with :) I knew that wouldn't last forever, but a guy can dream can't he?

Because of being sick and worrying about not losing weight, I've been slacking on the weekly updates. i promise to update the tracker soon. :)

Today is not a good day....

I'm having one of those days again. Sick all day long, wondering why the hell I even did this. I keep trying to believe that in the long run, it will all be worth it, but RIGHT NOW, i'm miserable. Tired of the constant full feeling, tired of feeling sick to my stomach, tired of being tired. It's just all so much.

I recently started pureed foods, and last night I had some grits. Every since then, i have felt sick to my stomach. I guess grits no longer agree with me :( . I cant seem to get all my water in, which is concerning me, because now my mouth is constantly dry and it's just very uncomfortable!

To all those who think weight loss surgery is the "easy way out", I truly beg to differ. These last couple of weeks have kicked my butt, and it could last a long while. I have found myself wondering if being fat & happy is better than going through this. That's truly sad to think that way, but it's a reality for me right now. I'm just praying this phase passes quickly, i'm tired of feeling like this day in and day out for the past week or so. I'm supposed to go back to work next wednesday, but I don't know if I can truly get through the days at work if I continue feeling like this.

Ugggghhhh....ok enough of my rambling. See u next time :)

Which scale to believe??

So, I had my follow up appointment with my surgeon today. I'm officially on puree's now!!! (hallelujah!). But one thing I always have a problem with is the difference in scales. My scale at home is constantly different from the doctor's. The doctor's scale is ALWAYS better than mine, LOL. The doctor's scale has me at 288!!! My scale at home shows 292. While both numbers are awesome, I much prefer the doctor's. LOL. According to his scale, i've lost 23 pounds in 2 weeks. THAT IS CRAZY! Mine shows 19 pounds which is still a great accomplishment.

Although his scale is better, i guess i'll stick with mine for consistency, as I can't weigh in weekly at the doctor's, so mine will be the "official" one for my weight loss journey.

:)

Week 2 results!

Well, my 2nd full week post op was very interesting to say the least. But before I get into that, here are my weight loss results for the 2nd week :


Another 8.5 pounds down. I haven't been below 300 pounds in, well I don't even know how long. At least 7 years or so. So this is very exciting for me, and prayerfully, I'll never see a 300 or more on the scale again!

As I mentioned before, this week was interesting. A better word would be HARD. Late in the week, I started to get intense cravings and feelings of hunger. The hunger feelings really scared me, because I had gotten used to not being hungry at all, and loved it. It's been 3 weeks that I haven't had a piece of solid food at all. Nothing but water (including broth) & nutrition shakes has finally taken it's toll on me. I'm tired of it. And it's to the point where I just rather not drink anything rather than force that stuff down.

It got really bad, and I contemplated just jumping to puree'd foods at that point. I just didn't care. I wanted to TASTE something, because I THOUGHT I was hungry.

Just before I took that plunge, I emailed someone I met online (TJ) who has been through this and had amazing results. I needed some advice and some help asap. TJ, who is a godsend, successfully talked me out of making a mistake of moving too fast. He also explained that my head hunger (which was truly what it was) was playing tricks on me. Craving for food and your head hunger can truly make you think you are physically hungry, when you're not. After several emails back and forth, I finally realized just what I was going through. I made some broth, and everything was fine. Thank God for TJ.

Also during that time, I had my first "regret" moment. I got really down, and wondered why I even put myself through this. It was especially hard this weekend because my mom through a party for her boyfriend, and there was FOOD GALORE around. I even cooked some of the food for her. What a test it was to cook food I couldn't taste (I relied on others to tell me if it needed more seasoning or things like that). Then when it was time to eat, I had to politely excuse myself and go sit in the car. I'm only 2 weeks post op, I'm not strong enough to be around tons of food like that, when I havent eaten in about 21 days.

Let's just say, it's been a LONG week. I'm glad I made it through, and puree is right around the corner (wednesday), and I know that in the long run, this will all be worth it. I just need to be strong for now.

Talk to you soon. :)

Changing taste buds

It's amazing to me that somehow after the surgery, certain things just don't taste the same to you. I've heard this before I had the surgery from a friend of mine, and i've also read it online from others who are post-op. Now, lucky me, i'm starting to experience this.

Now, i'm only on liquids still....so I don't know if certain foods will turn me off now, but pre-op, I would LOVE drinking my fruit2o flavored waters. It was the only way I could get all my water in to help me lose the pre-op weight. I used to stock up on it in bulk, and loved it. Now....I just don't like the taste. It's really weird. It just "bothers" me, and sometimes, I just can't stand to take a sip of it. So that leaves me w/ just plain ol' water, or crystal light. I don't have a problem with crystal lite as long as it's diluted enough. So it looks like that is my option right now.

But....i'm scared to see what foods that I liked pre-op that will now turn me off. The next couple of months should be very interesting!

Week 1 results!

Hey. So I can't believe i'm already 1 week post op. I'm starting to feel a little better, which is great. I decided that i'll post up weekly tracking results to keep myself accountable and motivated during this process. So here is week #1 :




I'm very excited about the 9 pound loss in one week. There was a lot of bloating from being fresh post-op, so I didn't know how much i'd lose this week, but 9 pounds is great. Last week (the week before surgery) I was on the all liquid preop diet, so I lost alot of water weight that week (like 13 pounds), so this week, the 9 pounds doesn't represent a lot of water weight, but actual weight loss. :)

At first I thought I would also post up weekly pictures, but I think monthly pics would be better. I may throw up a couple of videos every now and then as well, we'll see. :)

Head hunger rears it's ugly head

So, i've read about it, I understand the concept, but didn't totally get it until now. Head Hunger. It's real, and it's a bitch. LOL. For the past 6 days post op, I haven't been hungry once. It's a great thing, being on all liquids isn't nearly as bad when you don't have the desire to eat at all. But the problem is that your brain doesn't get that message. Sometimes you think about food, and you remember that it taste good, and your mind WANTS you to go an eat it, but physically, your body just doesn't want it. It's a weird constant battle. But, it's all a part of the "divorce" from food that i'm going through, so, bring it on. I'm ready. Usually when the head hunger starts to appear, I just take another sip of water, then i'm stuffed again :)

Bloating & Gas

Right after my surgery, I had some pain, but not a lot, so I thought this was going to be a breeze. But maybe I spoke too soon. I'm home now, and although i'm not in terrible pain, the incision spots are still very sore and they do cause discomfort. But I think that's to be expected. The major issue I'm seeming to have at this moment is bloating and gas. My goodness, it's terrible. My stomach is incredibly bloated right now. And I can feel the gas moving/rumbling inside of me, but it won't "come out" if you know what I mean. It's a terrible feeling.

You know me, so i've done some internet research on it, and it appears this is very common for the 1st week or more post-op. So i'm going to give it some time, I guess i'm just a worry-wart. My major concern is keeping hydrated. I need to make sure i'm getting enough water in, but because of the bloating / gas, drinking is very uncomfortable right now. I have this constant full feeling, and drinking makes me feel OVER stuffed and it's hard to drink at all.

The doctors and online research say walking a lot can help with the gas issue. So i'm gonna start walking today. I'm just hoping this issue resolves itself soon, i'm so uncomfortable.

Finally, i'm home!

Just made it home. It seems surreal. I wanted this for so long, and now it's done, and i'm back home. I just need to get comfortable (i'm now feeling some pain at the incision spots), and everything is just different. Sips of water seem to fill me up, and I have this unpleasing gas feeling in my stomach that doesn't seem to resolve itself.

However, all in all, i think i'm in a good spot, just some things to work through. :)

I'm so ready to go home!!!

So, it's day 3, and i'm really tired of the constant blood checks, blood pressure checks, blood sugar checks, blood thinner shots to my thighs, breathing tests, etc, etc, etc. And let's not even mention the catheter being yanked out of my private part ----i've never felt that kind of pain before in my life. LOL. I feel like a lab rat, and i'm just ready to go home already. Hopefully I get sprung today!!!

This is gonna take some getting used to.

So, today I was finally allowed to chew ice (no water, no broths, the only thing i'm allowed is ice). And two small (very small) cups of ice have STUFFED me. I mean, I wasn't hungry in the 1st place, but my mouth was extremely dry, so I really wanted the ice. But I now feel like i've ate a 5 course meal or something. LOL. Well I guess this is how it's gonna be from now on. It's just gonna take some time getting used to it.

Generally surprised.

I must admit i'm generally surprised this far. In my mind, I had built this up to being much worse (pain wise) in the first two days than it had been. Thank God. Other than a liitle uncomfort, i'm doing pretty good. I'm getting ready for my "every 4 hour" walk around the floor.

My mouth is really dry though. I haven't been allowed to drink anything day 1. I've never looked forward to crunching ice so much (on day 2) in my life!!

It's over...and i'm ALIVE!!!

I'm out of surgery. Things went well. Very exciting.

I'm almost there.

I'm all checked in. I've got my iv. I'm ready to go in. It's been very uneventful. That's a great thing. And still not nervous ! The shaving of my stomach and groin area by a complete stranger was a bit weird/uncomfortable....but hey, it's a small price to pay for a new life. I'll keep u updated....by for now. :).

THE DAY HAS FINALLY ARRIVED!

Well, today is the day! I thank God for me seeing this day, and I thank God for peace. No longer nervous, i'm just anxious to get this done and be on the road for recovery. The last couple of days have really made me feel better, and i'm so blessed/thankful for all the people in my life who care for me, expressed their joy for me and are actively praying for me and my procedure. This is what i've been waiting for, and although the road ahead wont be an easy one by any stretch of imagination, i'm ready for it. LET'S GET IT!

Three days pre-op!

Pre-op Liquid Diet = Torture

So, i'm 5 days pre-op, and officially on this liquid diet. This is crazy. I've lost like 6 pounds in the last 2 days. An all liquid diet is much harder than i though it would be. I can only have low carb protein drinks, water, and sugar free jello. It's crazy.

It's weird because, i've done some research online, and different doctors require different things for the pre-op diet. Some doctors allow you to have vegetables, broth, or even a small sensible meal for dinner only. Some doctors want 2 weeks of all liquids, luckily mine only requires 5, but no solids, no broths only the shakes/water/jello.

But genius me, I decided to do it for 7 days to give my liver extra time to get smaller. I'm now regretting putting myself through 2 extra days of this terror. LMAO. I mean, this gets me used to how i will need to eat after the surgery for a couple of weeks, but I feel like it'll be a little easier post-op, because for 1 I won't be as hungry all the time with the smaller stomach, and 2, liquids will be all i can probably handle at first anyway without it coming back up. But going from an 1800 calorie diet (the diet plan the dietitian put me on) to a roughly 500-600 calorie all liquid diet with the same size stomach is...let's just say hell. But it's a necessary evil, so I will comply. I'm already below the doctor's required weight he wanted for me on surgery day, so i'm not under any pressure to drop more pounds pre-op, but this is solely for me to shrink my liver so that it's easier for the doctor to work around it on surgery day.

Guess I'll go drink some water now.....pray for me. LOL

Let the preparations begin!

So, only 9 days remaining until my long awaited surgery. A couple of weeks ago, I began a search for a nice scale. I wanted something that was 1) accurate, but 2) had a remote display that I could mount on a wall for easier reading. Anyone who know me, knows that i'm a really bad tech junkie, love electronic gadgets, so of course I couldn't just get any ol' scale, I had to get a remote display scale. LOL.

So my lovely scale arrived today, I can't wait to start doing my weekly weigh-ins post op. I've promised myself that I wouldn't be scale crazy, and on it 3-4 times a week. Once a week, I don't want to become obsessed with the #'s.



Later today, I need to go out and see if I can find a puree' machine. And since my 5 day slim fast only diet starts this coming Wednesday, I guess I need to go out and stock up on them.

I'm committed to remaining positive.

I will not stress out over this. I leave it God's hands.

12 days to go until surgery, and now i'm on blood pressure meds

Honestly, i've been lucky I think. Being the size that i am, I haven't had many health related issues. No diabetes (thank God), all bloodwork good (Except for low vitamin D), and no major ailments or anything like that. However, my blood pressures has either been high, or on the "high side of normal" for quite some time now. Every time I go to a doctor, they say, 'keep on eye on it'. Just a couple of weeks ago it was a whopping 190/100. Craziness. But the next day it was normal.

So I had my final appt today with my primary care physician, so that she could give me clearance for the actual surgery. Well, no surprise, my blood pressure was high again. I believe it was 140/100.

I've been told over and over again, that as soon as you have the surgery, rather quickly your blood pressure falls back into line when your losing the weight. With only 12 days to go, i thought i'd be in the clear to go into surgery w/out being on any meds. Guess that wasn't the plan for me. My doc has officially put me on BLOOD PRESSURE MEDICATION! Sigh....I guess that's just a reality of being this large. But not for long, i'll take the meds for the next week and a half, but prayerfully if things go well, I wont be on this medication long.

12 days and counting, i'm not as nervous anymore, but more ready for my life to change!!!

Nervous, but excited

So, today is May 4th, and I have only 2 weeks left until my surgery. Heaven knows that i'm extremely nervous. Part of that comes from reading TOO MUCH about the surgery. I know I need to be armed with information, but reading about all the things that could possibly go wrong during the surgery or during recovery time has got me a little freaked out.

I know this procedure has come a long way since it debuted, and it's been perfected so to speak, but there are always dangers with major surgery. I've never had to have surgery, i've never had to spend significant time in a hospital at all, so this is all new to me, and i'm worried.

Although I have a great support system, I just worry about the "what if's". I know I can't live my life in fear, and I will kick myself the rest of my life if I don't take this opportunity while I can. So i'm just going to pray on it, and leave it in God's hands. I know He'll take care of me, what's meant for me IS for me.

The Day I got the news : April 15th, 2009

4/15/09 was the day I got the great news. After 2+ years of ups/downs/setbacks and waiting, I was finally received a date for my gastric bypass surgery.