Is it finally over?

The last couple of weeks have been very hard/stressful to say the least. I'm still dealing with this early on stall...and it's taken it's toll on me. I never knew this journey could be so emotional. But i've been in a small depression as of late. Feelings of failure, regret, hopelessness, etc have all reared it's ugly head. I keep reading about other people's journey, and the amount of weight loss they had in the early months....and mine does not coincide at all. For more than 3 weeks i've been stuck at the same #, and it's hard---I just don't know what to do.

To make matters worse, I was freaking out so much, that I called the doctor's office and spoke with the LPN. I know she didn't mean to, but she only made matters worse for me. She said in all the time she's been working with this doctor, she hasn't seen/heard anything like this from a bypass patient so early. :( Now I know from talking with people online that a stall at week 3 happens in many, but not everyone. But hearing her say that made me feel 10x worse. I told her what I was eating, the excersizes I was doing, and everything seemed to line up with what I should be doing. I'm not in any pain, haven't been sick---so why is my body taking so long to get over the "shock" of weight loss? Well....she had no answers, so instead she moved my appointment up 2 weeks from july 15th to july 1st. So there it is, i'll be seeing the doc in 2 days.

This morning when I got on the scale, it was down 1 pound. I don't want to get my hopes up. But prayerfully, this is the end of my stall and I start losing weight again on a steady basis. Keep your fingers crossed.

Here are weeks 5 & 6 weight tracker :




Although the scale isn't showing me what I want to see, I must say, that my clothes are feeling much looser, and when I go to a store, I notice i'm dropping sizes. I've dropped 3 pants sizes and 1-2 shirt sizes depending on the shirt. I took a snap shot of my face today, and I can see a difference in my face at least, as compared to my pre-op face. I guess that's something to be proud of, right? :

Love/Hate Relationship

So, the scale and I apparently have a love/hate relationship. For the 1st two weeks post op, I loved her, and now I can't stand her ass. LOL. So, i've decided to just ignore her. I refuse to give her any attention, and hopefully i'll stay off of her for as long as possible....because I just don't like the signs she gives me. Yes, the scale still hasn't changed, 15 days of no movement---can you tell that i've now gone slightly insane because of it? I'm referring to my scale as "her". Put me in the looney bin....

Weeks 3 & 4 Weight loss Tracker

Ok...so i've been procrastinating putting these up, but here goes. Weeks 3 & 4 weight loss results :



As you can see, the results are not good (at least to me). As you may recall, week 3 was when I started the puree diet. Well, it turns out that the puree diet has completely halted weight loss at this point. Talk about freaking out, I have been going crazy. For 10 days straight, the scale hasn't moved an inch. Very disheartening. I've read online from others who are post op that a stall around weeks 3-5 is quite common. But still, it's driving me insane. Granted, I was sick the first week of puree, my stomach seemed to hurt all the time. Now i'm much better, but yet the scale still isn't moving. I'm trying my best to get all my liquids and protein in. Plus i'm still @ the gym walking a lot as well.

Everyone tells me to wait it out, it will get better, but it's hard to accept that right now. After everything I went through, all the fear, then the surgery, the pain, the discomfort, the realization that I cannot eat whatever I want----to go through all of that, then to have the scale turn it's back on you so early in the process----man, it's enough to make you go crazy. I have seriously questioned why I even wanted to do this----but I have faith it will get better. Hopefully I will begin to see weight loss again this week. I just don't know if I can take another week of "0" pounds loss. I know my body is in shock, and that's why this is happening, but hell, my body needs to get the hell over it and start DROPPING THOSE POUNDS AGAIN!!!!+

Much better

I haven't posted in several days, but I am feeling much better now. My stomach has gotten used to eating small things again (instead of all liquids) so i'm not having nearly as many issues as I was the last time I posted.

The scale, however, hasn't moved in over a week. I can't lie, it's very disheartening. But from what i've read online from others, a stall during weeks 3-5 is very common. Apparently, your body is in shock and isn't used to the small amounts of food you are taking in. So i'm trying to ride this out, and praying the scale starts moving again. I got spoiled by the pound/a day weight loss I started off with :) I knew that wouldn't last forever, but a guy can dream can't he?

Because of being sick and worrying about not losing weight, I've been slacking on the weekly updates. i promise to update the tracker soon. :)

Today is not a good day....

I'm having one of those days again. Sick all day long, wondering why the hell I even did this. I keep trying to believe that in the long run, it will all be worth it, but RIGHT NOW, i'm miserable. Tired of the constant full feeling, tired of feeling sick to my stomach, tired of being tired. It's just all so much.

I recently started pureed foods, and last night I had some grits. Every since then, i have felt sick to my stomach. I guess grits no longer agree with me :( . I cant seem to get all my water in, which is concerning me, because now my mouth is constantly dry and it's just very uncomfortable!

To all those who think weight loss surgery is the "easy way out", I truly beg to differ. These last couple of weeks have kicked my butt, and it could last a long while. I have found myself wondering if being fat & happy is better than going through this. That's truly sad to think that way, but it's a reality for me right now. I'm just praying this phase passes quickly, i'm tired of feeling like this day in and day out for the past week or so. I'm supposed to go back to work next wednesday, but I don't know if I can truly get through the days at work if I continue feeling like this.

Ugggghhhh....ok enough of my rambling. See u next time :)

Which scale to believe??

So, I had my follow up appointment with my surgeon today. I'm officially on puree's now!!! (hallelujah!). But one thing I always have a problem with is the difference in scales. My scale at home is constantly different from the doctor's. The doctor's scale is ALWAYS better than mine, LOL. The doctor's scale has me at 288!!! My scale at home shows 292. While both numbers are awesome, I much prefer the doctor's. LOL. According to his scale, i've lost 23 pounds in 2 weeks. THAT IS CRAZY! Mine shows 19 pounds which is still a great accomplishment.

Although his scale is better, i guess i'll stick with mine for consistency, as I can't weigh in weekly at the doctor's, so mine will be the "official" one for my weight loss journey.

:)

Week 2 results!

Well, my 2nd full week post op was very interesting to say the least. But before I get into that, here are my weight loss results for the 2nd week :


Another 8.5 pounds down. I haven't been below 300 pounds in, well I don't even know how long. At least 7 years or so. So this is very exciting for me, and prayerfully, I'll never see a 300 or more on the scale again!

As I mentioned before, this week was interesting. A better word would be HARD. Late in the week, I started to get intense cravings and feelings of hunger. The hunger feelings really scared me, because I had gotten used to not being hungry at all, and loved it. It's been 3 weeks that I haven't had a piece of solid food at all. Nothing but water (including broth) & nutrition shakes has finally taken it's toll on me. I'm tired of it. And it's to the point where I just rather not drink anything rather than force that stuff down.

It got really bad, and I contemplated just jumping to puree'd foods at that point. I just didn't care. I wanted to TASTE something, because I THOUGHT I was hungry.

Just before I took that plunge, I emailed someone I met online (TJ) who has been through this and had amazing results. I needed some advice and some help asap. TJ, who is a godsend, successfully talked me out of making a mistake of moving too fast. He also explained that my head hunger (which was truly what it was) was playing tricks on me. Craving for food and your head hunger can truly make you think you are physically hungry, when you're not. After several emails back and forth, I finally realized just what I was going through. I made some broth, and everything was fine. Thank God for TJ.

Also during that time, I had my first "regret" moment. I got really down, and wondered why I even put myself through this. It was especially hard this weekend because my mom through a party for her boyfriend, and there was FOOD GALORE around. I even cooked some of the food for her. What a test it was to cook food I couldn't taste (I relied on others to tell me if it needed more seasoning or things like that). Then when it was time to eat, I had to politely excuse myself and go sit in the car. I'm only 2 weeks post op, I'm not strong enough to be around tons of food like that, when I havent eaten in about 21 days.

Let's just say, it's been a LONG week. I'm glad I made it through, and puree is right around the corner (wednesday), and I know that in the long run, this will all be worth it. I just need to be strong for now.

Talk to you soon. :)